A couple hours ago, my mom told me that a family friend passed away this afternoon. He was almost 90 and had been sick for a long time so it wasn't a huge surprise but it's still so sad. For his family, obviously not for him since he is now in Heaven. I'm sad that I won't see him again on Earth. I grew up knowing him and he was such an incredible person. The older I got, the more I appreciated him. Every time I talked to him I felt so good after because he was just so kind and genuine and really cared.
After the call, I immediately started thinking about my grandma who was really good friends with him. She died about five years ago and I imagined the huge welcome she gave him when he arrived. SOOO great. That's going to be so fun when we go to Heaven (after seeing God's face and talking to Him which is obviously the bigger thing and what I'm looking forward to the most) and get to be reunited with all the family and friends that have gone before us. And all those amazing people the Bible talks about that lived completely for God like Job, Paul, and Moses (and the rest). I'm so excited to ask them about their lives! :)
Monday, December 13, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
What's the Next Step?
Every time I hear that someone has a major, is happy with it, and knows exactly what they want to do after college, I get a little jealous. Of course I'm happy for them but I wish I could have that solidness. I just recently took a couple assessment tests to help me figure out myself. :) I still need to look them over more thoroughly but in my initial scan, every time I saw a job option that sort of stuck out to me, there was only a few seconds of real interest before it disappeared. I wish God would be more direct in showing me where I'm supposed to go and what the heck I'm supposed to do with my life. I know He has a plan (right?) but He hasn't really directed me too much so far. And I need to know now! Obviously, I'm just a human and God is God so it isn't at all my place to tell Him what to do. But it is extremely hard to sit back and let Him work in His own time which is so much better than mine. I just want the comfort of hearing Him clearly tell me the next step I should take. Just the next step.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Thankful
This year during the Thanksgiving meal, we went around the table that held 25(?) people (and we weren't close to having everyone here!) and each said something we were thankful for. That got me thinking about how blessed my family is to be able to get together for the holidays and celebrate. Even though some people are out of the state and even out of the country, it goes beyond holidays; we all get along and don't have huge issues with each other and we keep in touch. It's pretty crazy once you think about many people there really are.
Along with having such an amazing family, I'm thankful for just being able to gorge myself in the name of Thanksgiving. There are WAY too many people and little children who can't even get a decent meal most of the time much less celebrate thanksgiving. And a lot of them are thankful for any tiny thing they get. I usually just take it for granted and I always want more. It makes me really mad at myself because I rarely think about people who have less. Going around the table and thinking about this very real problem made me just want to go help them all immediately.
Now I'm sitting here listening to eight people play Balderdash ("a slang name given to the men who built the tower of babel?!") with football and a crackling fire in the background. Out there somewhere there are people and little children suffering in the cold wondering when they are going to eat next.
Depressing, huh?
Along with having such an amazing family, I'm thankful for just being able to gorge myself in the name of Thanksgiving. There are WAY too many people and little children who can't even get a decent meal most of the time much less celebrate thanksgiving. And a lot of them are thankful for any tiny thing they get. I usually just take it for granted and I always want more. It makes me really mad at myself because I rarely think about people who have less. Going around the table and thinking about this very real problem made me just want to go help them all immediately.
Now I'm sitting here listening to eight people play Balderdash ("a slang name given to the men who built the tower of babel?!") with football and a crackling fire in the background. Out there somewhere there are people and little children suffering in the cold wondering when they are going to eat next.
Depressing, huh?
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
My Favorite Present
Growing up, I always dreamed about coming downstairs Christmas morning and seeing a little tiny puppy or kitten in my stocking. I was always jealous of my sister (who is three years older than me) who had so far had three dogs and whose dog at the time (who we still have) was two years old. I wanted my own dog! Well, when I was in 7th grade, my dream came true but not in the way I always thought it might. There was no animal in my stocking (which was good because that's not very safe for the animal), but after everyone had opened all their presents, my sister came in to the room carrying a good sized unwrapped box. It had a big bow on it. And there were holes in the sides. I couldn't believe my eyes. I knew what it was going to be but I was unprepared for how adorable it was. I hesitantly lifted the top off the box and inside was a tiny little puppy that was lying down. It was only after I had been staring at her for about four seconds that she lifted her little head and met my eyes. THE definition of love at first sight. My heart absolutely melted. I lifted her out of the box as gently as I could-I thought she was going to break-and placed her in my lap, trying not to cry. She had been born in October so she was only two months old. Her tail, which curled over her back like a husky, was only about four inches long. Adorable!
Someone told me that the store had said the puppy was part Australian Shepherd (the kind of dog we had at the time) and part Border Collie. Later, the vet informed us that she was an Aussie because of her coloring (it's called "blue merle") but probably Spitz instead of Border Collie.
The rest of the day is kind of a blur (besides not being able to hold her and touch her enough) except for picking out a name. I didn't really know where to start. Another sister suggested the name Blue because she had one blue eye and was a "blue merle." It stuck. (When she grew up, the blue went away but there were still little pieces of blue if you looked closly. :))
I loved Blue. She was my own and my first dog. I remember taking her with me when my mom would drive me to school. It was January in Illinois so it was extremely cold. She was just a little three month old baby so I would hold her inside my jacket. She loved it! It was like her own little cave. (She also loved when I let her into my bed because she would crawl down to the foot of the bed and lay there, under the covers. I always thought she would suffocate but it was one of her favorite things.) I also remember sleeping on the couch in the family room so that I could take her out during the night. She would wake me up about three or four times every night for a quick bathroom break. Then she would be up for the day at 5:30 and I wouldn't be able to sleep anymore before school. I was exhausted. Then came the training and house training during the day. She also had a sensitive stomach and would throw up a lot which I would have to clean up. Getting a puppy is the easiest and quickest way to teach your child about responsibility (once they're old enough to know they CANNOT ignore the dog during the night, etc.)!
One of Blue's most distinctive qualities was how high she could jump. She wasn't even as tall as my knees but if I was standing with my arm straight out holding a toy, she could easily jump to get it. She would sit and look at me and wait. As soon as I said "OK!" she would take off. It doesn't sound very impressive but it really was. She was probably a little less than a foot and a half tall and she was jumping a good five feet into the air.
A little while before Thanksgiving in 2008, Blue started getting sick. To this day I still don't know what it was exactly but after a while, her stomach started swelling. We took her to the vet and they drained a lot of fluid out of the area around her stomach. When we picked her up, she was a lot happier and more energetic and looked like she was about five pounds lighter (which isn't much for a dog her size). She was the normal Blue again. Unfortunately, the same thing started happening a couple weeks later. My sister and I were planning on driving to Arkansas to visit another sister (actually the one who named Blue) and her family. Our family was in Michigan and my sister and I went back to Illinois for New Years. When I said goodbye to Blue, she looked at me with the saddest face I have ever seen. (I'm tearing up right now thinking about it.) She was feeling sick again and didn't want me to leave. I almost burst into tears right then and there. My sister was in the car waiting for me so I felt like I had to hurry up. I regret that so much. I should never have left. But I managed to pull myself together and act normal during my last few seconds with her. As we drove away, Blue was still standing in the same spot. That image of her is branded into my brain and I will never forget it. It was the last time I ever saw my baby.
My sister and I drove to Arkansas on New Year’s Day (10 hours). It was actually a fun drive and I have funny memories from it. We got there pretty late and went right to bed. The next day (before a late breakfast) I got a call from my mom saying that Blue was doing pretty bad. I have lived around many different animals all my life and I knew what had to be done. With difficulty, I told my mom to put Blue (barely six years old) to sleep. I came downstairs and had a very hard time keeping myself from crying, especially as I told my sisters, my brother-in-law, and my sister's three very young kids about Blue. My two sisters and brother-in-law knew what had been happening up to that point but they didn't know about the plan for that day. My dad took Blue into the vet then buried her later in our "pet cemetery" where many animals my family has owned throughout the years are buried. That was a pretty terrible day but being around my nieces and nephew were what kept me from completely loosing it.
We were in Arkansas for a little while then came back home. It was strange when only my sister's dog, Sydney, greeted us at the door. I walked out to Blue's grave which is the only one marked by a cross and immediately felt guilt and regret; I wasn't there. I didn't go with my little Blue to the vet where she was taken to be killed. In some ways that's very good. If I had gone with, she would have 100% been terrified because I would have been crying and she would have been confused. She probably did know something was happening but my dad definitely handled it better than I ever could have. Still, I feel very guilty whenever I think about it and it hasn't lessened at all. If you have a dog and have any chance at all to go with on that day, do it! It will be terrible and sad etc. but it's better than not going and regretting it.
Someone told me that the store had said the puppy was part Australian Shepherd (the kind of dog we had at the time) and part Border Collie. Later, the vet informed us that she was an Aussie because of her coloring (it's called "blue merle") but probably Spitz instead of Border Collie.
The rest of the day is kind of a blur (besides not being able to hold her and touch her enough) except for picking out a name. I didn't really know where to start. Another sister suggested the name Blue because she had one blue eye and was a "blue merle." It stuck. (When she grew up, the blue went away but there were still little pieces of blue if you looked closly. :))
I loved Blue. She was my own and my first dog. I remember taking her with me when my mom would drive me to school. It was January in Illinois so it was extremely cold. She was just a little three month old baby so I would hold her inside my jacket. She loved it! It was like her own little cave. (She also loved when I let her into my bed because she would crawl down to the foot of the bed and lay there, under the covers. I always thought she would suffocate but it was one of her favorite things.) I also remember sleeping on the couch in the family room so that I could take her out during the night. She would wake me up about three or four times every night for a quick bathroom break. Then she would be up for the day at 5:30 and I wouldn't be able to sleep anymore before school. I was exhausted. Then came the training and house training during the day. She also had a sensitive stomach and would throw up a lot which I would have to clean up. Getting a puppy is the easiest and quickest way to teach your child about responsibility (once they're old enough to know they CANNOT ignore the dog during the night, etc.)!
One of Blue's most distinctive qualities was how high she could jump. She wasn't even as tall as my knees but if I was standing with my arm straight out holding a toy, she could easily jump to get it. She would sit and look at me and wait. As soon as I said "OK!" she would take off. It doesn't sound very impressive but it really was. She was probably a little less than a foot and a half tall and she was jumping a good five feet into the air.
A little while before Thanksgiving in 2008, Blue started getting sick. To this day I still don't know what it was exactly but after a while, her stomach started swelling. We took her to the vet and they drained a lot of fluid out of the area around her stomach. When we picked her up, she was a lot happier and more energetic and looked like she was about five pounds lighter (which isn't much for a dog her size). She was the normal Blue again. Unfortunately, the same thing started happening a couple weeks later. My sister and I were planning on driving to Arkansas to visit another sister (actually the one who named Blue) and her family. Our family was in Michigan and my sister and I went back to Illinois for New Years. When I said goodbye to Blue, she looked at me with the saddest face I have ever seen. (I'm tearing up right now thinking about it.) She was feeling sick again and didn't want me to leave. I almost burst into tears right then and there. My sister was in the car waiting for me so I felt like I had to hurry up. I regret that so much. I should never have left. But I managed to pull myself together and act normal during my last few seconds with her. As we drove away, Blue was still standing in the same spot. That image of her is branded into my brain and I will never forget it. It was the last time I ever saw my baby.
My sister and I drove to Arkansas on New Year’s Day (10 hours). It was actually a fun drive and I have funny memories from it. We got there pretty late and went right to bed. The next day (before a late breakfast) I got a call from my mom saying that Blue was doing pretty bad. I have lived around many different animals all my life and I knew what had to be done. With difficulty, I told my mom to put Blue (barely six years old) to sleep. I came downstairs and had a very hard time keeping myself from crying, especially as I told my sisters, my brother-in-law, and my sister's three very young kids about Blue. My two sisters and brother-in-law knew what had been happening up to that point but they didn't know about the plan for that day. My dad took Blue into the vet then buried her later in our "pet cemetery" where many animals my family has owned throughout the years are buried. That was a pretty terrible day but being around my nieces and nephew were what kept me from completely loosing it.
We were in Arkansas for a little while then came back home. It was strange when only my sister's dog, Sydney, greeted us at the door. I walked out to Blue's grave which is the only one marked by a cross and immediately felt guilt and regret; I wasn't there. I didn't go with my little Blue to the vet where she was taken to be killed. In some ways that's very good. If I had gone with, she would have 100% been terrified because I would have been crying and she would have been confused. She probably did know something was happening but my dad definitely handled it better than I ever could have. Still, I feel very guilty whenever I think about it and it hasn't lessened at all. If you have a dog and have any chance at all to go with on that day, do it! It will be terrible and sad etc. but it's better than not going and regretting it.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
What Up Makes Me Think About
So I just watched the movie Up and I'm literally sitting here crying. That movie is so good and heartwarming! But it's also really really sad. This was the second time I saw it and I didn't find it any less sad, but I also didn't find it any less amazing. And it's a cartoon! :) (If you haven't seen it, go watch it! And don't read this because I'm going to give some stuff away.)
Doug, the talking dog, is my favorite. He is such a dog; loving, caring, obedient, will literally do ANYTHING to please "master" even though "master" doesn't even want him. He shows how to put your trust in someone completely with no second thoughts. And even though the main character (Carl/"master") doesn't want him around and isn't very nice to him at first, Doug doesn't complain. He loves him and tells him that multiple times. I wish I could so willingly put myself in God's hands and stop trying to be in control all the time. (Random thought but that's what Doug makes me think of. Pretty thought provoking cartoon! :))
My absolute favorite part of the movie is when Carl is in his house on Paradise Falls, looking through "My Adventure Book" that his wife had made when she was little. He's super sad because he feels like he failed her and feels extremely guilty for not keeping his promise. He starts closing the book then notices that it keeps going after he thought it ended. It turns out that his wife had continued to put pictures of her life with Carl in the book (starting with their wedding picture) in the section that had originally been meant for her trip to Paradise Falls as a kid. Carl realizes that she was ok with not going. She was happy with the life he gave her. The book ends with a little note she wrote him right before she died when she was in the hospital:
Thanks for the adventure-
now go have a new one!
Love, Ellie
Her life with him was more than good enough.
I was bawling.
Right after that, Carl realizes what he needs to do and starts throwing all the furniture out of the house so that it will fly again and he can rescue Russell. It shows the house flying away with Carl celebrating, then the camera pans over the pile of furniture and stops at the two chairs Carl and Ellie always sat in, set up perfectly. Right on top of Paradise Falls. It's like they will be there together forever.
I was on the verge of tear again (of course) when Carl gets a knock on the door and opens it to find Doug. For once, he's happy to see him. Doug says, "I was hiding under your porch because I love you." I love Doug.
Sorry this is so all over the place...I just had to talk about this movie! A new one to add to my favorites. (And there's a lot more of me telling what happened in the movie than my thoughts on it. haha!)
Doug, the talking dog, is my favorite. He is such a dog; loving, caring, obedient, will literally do ANYTHING to please "master" even though "master" doesn't even want him. He shows how to put your trust in someone completely with no second thoughts. And even though the main character (Carl/"master") doesn't want him around and isn't very nice to him at first, Doug doesn't complain. He loves him and tells him that multiple times. I wish I could so willingly put myself in God's hands and stop trying to be in control all the time. (Random thought but that's what Doug makes me think of. Pretty thought provoking cartoon! :))
My absolute favorite part of the movie is when Carl is in his house on Paradise Falls, looking through "My Adventure Book" that his wife had made when she was little. He's super sad because he feels like he failed her and feels extremely guilty for not keeping his promise. He starts closing the book then notices that it keeps going after he thought it ended. It turns out that his wife had continued to put pictures of her life with Carl in the book (starting with their wedding picture) in the section that had originally been meant for her trip to Paradise Falls as a kid. Carl realizes that she was ok with not going. She was happy with the life he gave her. The book ends with a little note she wrote him right before she died when she was in the hospital:
Thanks for the adventure-
now go have a new one!
Love, Ellie
Her life with him was more than good enough.
I was bawling.
Right after that, Carl realizes what he needs to do and starts throwing all the furniture out of the house so that it will fly again and he can rescue Russell. It shows the house flying away with Carl celebrating, then the camera pans over the pile of furniture and stops at the two chairs Carl and Ellie always sat in, set up perfectly. Right on top of Paradise Falls. It's like they will be there together forever.
I was on the verge of tear again (of course) when Carl gets a knock on the door and opens it to find Doug. For once, he's happy to see him. Doug says, "I was hiding under your porch because I love you." I love Doug.
Sorry this is so all over the place...I just had to talk about this movie! A new one to add to my favorites. (And there's a lot more of me telling what happened in the movie than my thoughts on it. haha!)
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Thank You
I've been following a few blogs from friends and family and lately, I've found that the more I read them, the more encouraged I am. I tend to be down sometimes when life looms up and all the bad things are highlighted but when I read these blogs, they lift me up and fill me up. I always look forward to new posts. There is usually scripture in the posts and these verses give me courage. These blogs also make me want to dive into God's word on my own more than I have been and learn everything I can from Him! Anyway this is kind of rambling because I'm super tired (as usual) but I just wanted to say thank you to the authors. :) You literally make my day brighter!
Friday, November 5, 2010
Meanings
The website of this blog (thisismydesire.blogspot.com) is from the song "Something Beautiful" by NeedtoBreathe. They are currently my favorite band. (I'm actually listening to them as I write this.)
Hey now this is my desire:
consume me like a fire
'cause I just want something beautiful
to touch me.
I know that I'm in reach
'cause I am down on my knees
and waiting for something beautiful.
All their songs are so good and a lot of them are very encouraging. Another one, called "These Hard Times," talks about how the singer is needing God's love and peace and something worth fighting for. There is so much ugliness in the world and this man wants and needs an answer, a way out, and the faith to believe there is still some good in the world during all the hard times. He wants God to show him all the good things "until my eyes get tired." I think everyone can relate to this song in some way. There is so much sadness in the world and everyone personally experiences it at some point. Only through God can we be completely happy for a long period of time during hard times. I would have used something from that song but I didn't like the idea of having "these hard times" being the first thing you see. :) (It's not 100% clear whether or not NeedtoBreathe is a Christian band but the words to their songs make me truly believe they are.)
Sandy Footprints comes from the poem "Footprints in the Sand." Go look it up! :) Basically, it's about a discovery of God's promise to us and proof that He is always there, especially during the hardest times in our lives.
I wanted to have some sort of beach picture for the background but nothing worked. So, since I'm in Colorado, I decided to just choose the mountains! It's a little intense but no one can really lessen the beauty and intensity of God's mountains. :)
Hey now this is my desire:
consume me like a fire
'cause I just want something beautiful
to touch me.
I know that I'm in reach
'cause I am down on my knees
and waiting for something beautiful.
All their songs are so good and a lot of them are very encouraging. Another one, called "These Hard Times," talks about how the singer is needing God's love and peace and something worth fighting for. There is so much ugliness in the world and this man wants and needs an answer, a way out, and the faith to believe there is still some good in the world during all the hard times. He wants God to show him all the good things "until my eyes get tired." I think everyone can relate to this song in some way. There is so much sadness in the world and everyone personally experiences it at some point. Only through God can we be completely happy for a long period of time during hard times. I would have used something from that song but I didn't like the idea of having "these hard times" being the first thing you see. :) (It's not 100% clear whether or not NeedtoBreathe is a Christian band but the words to their songs make me truly believe they are.)
Sandy Footprints comes from the poem "Footprints in the Sand." Go look it up! :) Basically, it's about a discovery of God's promise to us and proof that He is always there, especially during the hardest times in our lives.
I wanted to have some sort of beach picture for the background but nothing worked. So, since I'm in Colorado, I decided to just choose the mountains! It's a little intense but no one can really lessen the beauty and intensity of God's mountains. :)
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